Banner: Blog

What Would Jesus Twitter?

What Would Jesus Twitter?
By Pastor Scott Thomas

With the current phenomenon of Facebook where people update their status daily and Twitter members who update their status event by event with their phone, I wondered what some of the Bible character's status updates would have looked like. Here's my attempt:


  • Adam is lonely, really lonely, naming animals...starting with A - Aardvark
  • Adam is having surgery today - taking out a rib
  • Adam is the husband of the most beautiful woman in the world. Okay, she's the only one, but she isn't wearing any clothes
  • Eve is looking at pretty apples and talking to a snake. He's a sly little creature.
  • Adam is leaving the garden and shopping for "the perfect leaf" with Eve
  • Cain is hating his brother
  • Isaac is walking up the mountain with Dad to sacrifice
  • Abraham has a knife in hand but sees a ram caught in the bushes. Man that was close!
  • Noah is building a huge boat - really huge boat and the neighbors are complaining and laughing
  • Noah is really hating elephant dung and those two chimps are trying my patience
  • Joseph is in a hole and lost his favorite coat. This isn't funny anymore? Brothers?
  • Moses is walking through the Red, really.
  • Samson is growing his hair out again
  • Ruth is sleeping at the foot of Boaz. He doesn't know I'm here.
  • Balaam is listening to his donkey talking to him
  • David is really glad the pretty girl moved in next door. Staying home from work today.
  • David is sick about his sin-confessed all, wrote a song
  • Solomon is writing Songs that all the boys want to read
  • Enoch is outta here
  • Job is sick of his friend's advise
  • Daniel is petting the lions
  • Nehemiah is building a big done in about 7 weeks.
  • John the Baptist is eating locusts and wild honey and looking for the One whose shoes I am not worthy to tie
  • Peter is walking on water-oops, not anymore
  • Zacchaeus is in a tree looking for Jesus
  • Judas is counting money
  • Jesus is sweating drops of blood in the Garden
  • Peter is hating that the rooster crows
  • Jesus is forgiving those who put Him on this cross
  • God is turning His back on His Son with the sin of the world upon him
  • Jesus is thirsty
  • Mary is wailing in agony
  • God is satisfied
  • Jesus is back!
  • Thomas is doubting it ever happened
  • Jesus is praying and sitting at the right hand of His Father
  • Holy Spirit is regenerating sinners
  • Jesus is redeeming the lost
  • God is glorified and is seeking worshippers

"Like a swallow, like a crane, so I twitter; I moan like a dove; My eyes look wistfully to the heights; O Lord, I am oppressed, be my security." (Isaiah 38:14 NASB)


By the way, you can find me twittering as acts29