Relational Rage
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Relational Rage
Relational Rage is a disturbing characteristic within the body of Christ. Professing Christians are simultaneously dependant on Christ's forgiveness while displaying a colossal reconciliatory deficiency. In other words, church people are intentionally hurting one another with no real attempt to seek forgiveness-the gospel message of reconciliation.
As a young Christian in my teens, I noticed this serious gap of inconsistency. It turned me off at first 
and then as a pastor it engulfed me to try to correct this obvious flaw in the body of Christ. I found it to be deeper than I expected. While trying to mediate between two feuding church members (as a pastor in the church), I became the retaliatory victim of their animosity and rebellion. They weren't interested in the gospel being applied to their fury. I finally stopped throwing my pearls before the swine and concentrated instead on ministering to those whose heart was on the gospel. But pigs still stink even if we try to ignore them. And they roam freely throughout the church snorting and rooting and defecating around pre-believers and new believers. We wonder why the church stinks.
Relational rage is hurting the church today. It is dividing the body and hindering the gospel's work. The gospel's message is reconciliation between God and man.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Cor. 5:17-21).
Reconciliation is changing something thoroughly and adjusting it to a standard. We reconcile our checking balance to the standard of the bank statement. God reconciles us to himself through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ-our substitutionary atonement.
We are reconciled to God
Reconciliation is the removal of offenses in a relationship between two or more persons. Theologically it refers to the change of relationship between God and man. Because we are naturally children of wrath (Eph. 2:3), and are in fact enemies with God (Eph. 2:11-15), we need to be reconciled to God. Only Christ can change this reality for the better (Rom. 5:10-11). We were once separated from God (Isa. 59:2) but we are now without offense made possible through the work of Christ on the cross.
Practical Application
Because we are sinners, people are going to hurt us and we are going to hurt others.
James 4:1-2, "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel."
We have three responses to conflict that will come in our lives: Peace Faking, Peace Breaking or Peace Making. I owe much of these concepts to Ken Sande, author of The Peacemaker.
Peace-Faking: More interested in avoiding conflict than in resolving it.
Denial - Pretend that a problem does not exist or refuse to do what should be done to resolve a conflict properly. This may bring temporary relief but often grows worse over time (1 Sam. 2:22-25).
Flight - Run away from a problem by alienating people: friends, spouses, churches, siblings. Flight may be necessary for safety reasons (1 Sam. 19:9-10) but in most cases it only delays a proper solution to a problem.
Self-Injury - Loss of hope to resolve a conflict usually results in bringing pain to self through immorality, abuse of medications, alcohol, drugs, even suicide (1 Sam. 31:4).
Peace-Breaking: More interested in winning than in preserving a God-centered relationship.
Assault - Use of various forms of force: verbal attacks (gossip, complaining, slander), physical threats, financial threats, professional abuse (Acts 6:8-15). Always makes conflict worse.
Litigation - Conflicts taken to a civil judge for a decision (Rom. 13:1-5). Usually damages relationship without gaining justice. Christians are to seek to settle out of court (Matt. 5:25-26; 1 Cor. 6:1-8).
Murder - The attempt to bring harm to the other person opposing them (Acts 7:54-58). We are guilty of murder when we harbor anger and contempt in our hearts for others (Matt. 5:21-22).
Peace-Making: Six ways to respond biblically and to find resolution.
Private Peace-Making:
Overlook Offense - Some conflicts can be resolved by quietly overlooking an offense and forgiving the person who has wronged you (Prov. 19:11; 12:16; 17:14; 1 Pe. 4:8).
Discussion - Resolution through confession or loving confrontation (Matt. 5:23-24; 18:15; Prov. 28:13; Gal. 6:1-3)
Negotiation - Issues related to money, property, and other rights can be resolved by negotiating solutions for the good of all (Phil. 2:4; Dan. 1:1-16; Matt. 7:12).
Assisted Peace-Making:
Mediation - Bring another person along to help resolve conflict and explore solutions if the conflict cannot be resolved through private peace-making (Matt. 18:16).
Arbitration - Arbitrators can be appointed to listen to both sides and render a binding decision about substantive issues (1 Cor. 6:1-9).
Discipline - If a Christian refuses to be reconciled, the church leaders should formally intervene to promote justice, repentance and forgiveness (Matt. 18:17-20). This may include removal from the church during obstinate response.
In the body of Christ relational rage is a cancer. Applying the gospel in our relationships is the only cure.
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