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It Keeps Getting Better

Blog: It Keeps Getting Better

Ray and Jani Ortlund

We fell in love during college. Crazy in love. When we married, we were so happy to belong to one another fully. But at first, I (Ray) did not understand how to love Jani sexually to her maximum joy. I really did love her. I just didn’t understand.

After a while, she came to me gently and respectfully and said, “Honey, I think we can do even better. Here’s how I think it might work . . .” So we tried. I learned. And we went to another level. Here we are now, both of us sixty, and it keeps getting better.

Do not think that your sex life as a married couple goes into decline after 30 or 40 or 50.

It can keep getting better. It becomes more tender at heart and more expert in mutually satisfying performance.

Four Encouragements for a Married Couple to Grow Together Sexually

1. Remember that God created your sexuality for his own glory. As you make love, you can pray, out loud or silently. You can pray for God’s blessing on your lover’s sexual experience at the moment, all the way to full satisfaction. And then in the afterglow, you can pray in thanksgiving.

2. Coach each other along the way. Not even a loving husband knows automatically how to put his wife over the moon. Nor does a loving wife automatically understand the wildly intense experience her husband desires. Anything this good takes time. Great sex is one of the rewards of a life-long romance.

3. Give yourself exclusively to your spouse, in glad obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ. Shut everyone else out of your thoughts and feelings. Focus intensely on him or her. Give yourself away, so totally away that you cannot take yourself back. That’s marriage. And in that place of wholehearted commitment, sex is safe, sex is holy, sex gets better.

4. If your past sins hinder your joy and freedom today, look by faith to Jesus, the Friend of sexual sinners. When he forgave you, he made you a new creation. He gave you your virginity back. You’re free to live again, this time for his glory in your sexuality.

A lovely deer, a graceful doe.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;

be intoxicated always in her love. (Proverbs 5:19)

Blessings on your precious marriage!